I’m posting today’s one whether it’s good or bad, done or not. Actually the very fact that I’m keeping these scribbles going at all is impressive given how tricky it can be to squeeze in the time for them.

And that’s probably the hardest thing about becoming a Mum for me, even harder than the lack of sleep: the sudden disappearance of time to yourself. I don’t need to sit in front of the tv for hours, I don’t really miss sitting in a cafe writing like I used to do, much as I enjoyed it, and I love the new sense of purpose and motivation that Bowie has gifted me.

I wouldn’t swap this new life for the world.

But….

It is hard, really really hard. When I say I miss having time to myself, I miss the space and freedom of being able to get stuff done. While I might be writing these blog posts, going out for coffee, staying on top of the laundry and so on, the only reason for that is that I squeeze every little pocket of free time to the absolute max. The moment Bowie is asleep for a nap (usually in the sling with me) I’m putting a load on to wash, scrubbing off the morning’s dried-on porridge, or heading straight to the computer to get ‘scribbling’.

If I’m going out for a coffee with a friend, I’m usually lamenting the loss of valuable time to get s**t done.

It can give me great anxiety, to the point where, if someone is minding Bowie for me so I can do something, there’s a part of me that’s on edge, waiting apprehensively for my time to be interrupted, as it so often is.

Perhaps the hardest thing of all is that the pockets of free time are never long enough to finish things. I might clean the kitchen but never as thoroughly as I would like. I might get some tidying done, but only half the mess. And I might get the blog-post written, but not publish it.

The biggest lesson in it all for me, is acceptance of what little time I do have and learning to sit into that moment, however long or brief it may be, and do whatever I can.

If half the laundry is still sitting in the basket waiting to be put away several days later, so be it. If I’m lagging a day behind in my daily scribbles, so be it. If I can’t get the kitchen cleaned properly, so bit. If I have to drop what I’m doing in the middle of doing it, so be it. If I just can’t get to any of the jobs on my Summer 2019 To Do list, until Summer 2020… so be it.

At the end of the day Bowie is, quite literally, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Being a Mum may be one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had to do, but as I always think to myself, if that’s the price I have to pay in exchange for this sweet little human, I’ll take it.

He’s worth every bit of it.

Ciao darlings!

Liz