There’s a voice in my head, actually there are several and they bounce off one another.  Usually goes a little like this:

Little Miss Wishful: “Ooooh, those shoes are so pretty.  I’d LOVE to visit Paris.  And I’d love some chocolate right now… I want a cuddle.”

Scaredy Cat: “Not more money on shoes you don’t need.  And I love Paris too but it’s so expensive.  And chocolate is…. no, let’s have some chocolate.  And a cuddle.”

Mademoiselle Poor Me: “Why can’t I have loads of money and walk-in wardrobes and all the pretty shoes that I want.  It’s so unfair that other people get to actually live in Paris and I don’t – where’s the chocolate already???  Oh, why oh why does nobody CARE??!!”

Laughing Queen: “Never mind all that, did you see that guy when he slipped?!  There was literally coffee everywhere and he must’ve yelled f**k about twenty times.  Priceless…  Yeah, I’ll have some chocolate.  Lindt’s finest if you please – the one that’s like runny poo.  Ha!” (She’s crude but she’s awesome.)

And then there’s one of the loudest voices of all.

Mr Critic: “You shouldn’t be buying any shoes, you have enough and you shouldn’t be wasting money.  Paris?  Ridiculous.  You’ve been there before.  Anyway it’s too expensive.  Chocolate again..  (*disappointed head shaking and pursed lips*) …goes to show you have zero willpower.  You’re ruining your health, not to mention your teeth.  And now you’re getting teary and you want someone to cuddle you?   Get a grip and don’t be so weak.”

Ouchies.

Today this voice was running the show, poking holes in everything I did or didn’t do, striking me and my dreams down flat.  With a bludgeon.

But don’t worry, it’s not all bad.  I get him back sometimes; Laughing Queen leaves banana skins for him to slip on, or puts salt in his tea… we all have our own ways of managing those inner demons.

This was way over my daily word-allowance but I think it was worth it.

I’m worth it.  (I have purple nails to prove it.)

Ciao darlings!

Lizzie xxx