We all hanker after things we love: pretty clothes, travelling the world, going out for coffees/partying, getting a new car, a boyfriend/girlfriend… the list is infinite.

We believe that accommodating these desires will make us happy and in the meantime abide in a state of dissatisfaction and mild tension as long as we can’t.

But I’ve recently had the experience of getting as much as I wanted of certain things, a few shopping-sprees with Christmas gift vouchers or this past week when I went out for coffee nearly every day.

And here’s the thing, as I got all these new jeans and went out for daily coffees I was left with a hollow feeling inside, an emptiness that no amount of shopping or coffees would ever fill.

When we really long for something, the feeling of not being able to have it leaves us feeling distinctly uncomfortable and in order to assuage this unpleasant feeling, we do everything we can to act on the feeling and obtain whatever it is we want.

Usually just moments later, a new desire will spring up to take the previous one’s place.  It’s a never-ending cycle, trying to fulfill the bottomless-pit of human craving.

Sometimes, if it requires a lot of work and effort to acquire the item, say it’s a real luxury that we would rarely buy (e.g. a stunning designer handbag) then the act of finally acquiring it gives it a special quality and we get a little thrill of delight every time we use it.

However, the act of indulging each and every one of our wants takes away the special feeling of finally obtaining that which we desire and that’s why getting rich won’t actually make you happier.

Instant gratification seems awesome – who doesn’t want to skip the hard stuff and jump straight to the fun things??  But if we exercize some discipline and instead earn these treats, we will in fact enjoy them a hundred times more.  If I have to work Monday to Saturday and can only get out for a coffee on Sunday morning, that coffee will outshine the five cups I had while I was off this past week.  If I have to save up for a special journal by Megan Hess that I’ve been had my heart on for several months, once I finally buy it that journal will be far more special than the five others from TK Maxx (which, by the way, I’m slowly but surely working my way through!)

You need to dance carefully with desire and keep her always one step ahead of you, indulging her every now and then and enjoying the anticipation and suspense when you’re holding off.

For at the end of the day, our desires are very much like orgasms – the wonderful feeling only lasts a few seconds, it’s not always as good as you expected and most of the fun was actually in the build-up to it anyway.

Ciao darlings!

Lizzie xxxx