Well 2015 was a bitch, no doubt!  I’m so glad and relieved to be out of it and into a sparkling new one – I have a real good feeling about 2016!  But, truth be told, that mean-ass year of 2015 made me grow in ways I never would have otherwise.  It was the year that nearly broke me at times, but it always put me back together and it brought me one truly precious gift – it brought me and Ashtanga closer together than ever.

Before it did that however, just like in a challenging asana it stretched me to my limit, starting in January, the month that set the tone for the whole year.  We had disastrous money problems for our little shop in southern India, my husband had a serious long-time issue involving lawyers and a lot of worry and we suffered the loss of a special furry companion when our sweet, gentle and loving cat, Chloe, died.  It was a time for massive change, old books finished, new ones begun.  I quit my job of four years, we packed up all our stuff into storage and headed off to India for nearly six months.

Once in India life continued to hurl problems big and small my way and I failed to handle pretty much any of it.  I literally collapsed into my emotions, overwhelmed by a deep sub-conscious belief that life was too difficult, that it was utterly impossible and I couldn’t do anything about it.

And then came yoga.  Ashtanga yoga – Mysore style to be precise!  Ashtanga and I had been dating on and off for nearly three years and it was a good match but somehow I’d never been able to fully commit.  I would have my spurts of “OK, I’m all in – let’s do this!” but after a while, inevitably, the spark would fade and when the real work began, I was miles away already.  You see, I really really don’t like hard effort or struggle!  Not at all, not even a little bit.  And the thing with Ashtanga yoga is that while enabling you to reap rewards and benefits to no end, it does require a few key things; commitment, consistency, dedication, determination and of course a lot of serious, sweat-inducing hard work.

But there came a day when I realized something.  Ashtanga didn’t require me to get on my mat six days a week and do an hour and a half of intense breathing and stretching and holding tough poses.  At least, definitely not right away.  All Ashtanga really asked was that I get on my mat each day and put in as much effort as I could realistically and honestly manage.  And so I began my practice.

On arriving into the region of Dharamshala, in the mighty Himalayas of India, I woke each morning around 8 am, brushed my teeth, stepped on my mat and did just ten minutes of Sun Salutations.  Many mornings even that seemed impossible to my lethargic, cumbersome mind.  But reminding myself that all I had to do was literally just ten minutes and that’s it, was the magical formula to getting me onto the mat each day and a whole lot of the time, I was able to add on a good bit more than just those first Sun Salutations.

Over the nearly eight months since then, my practice has grown and developed steadily and there are many many things I’ve gained from my regular morning yoga – as I already said Ashtanga offers wondrous rewards to those who stick with it – but the one thing it’s gifted me from the very beginning, is a sense of a strong, inner core, aside from the physical strength.

Sharath – the main teacher at the original Ashtanga yoga center in Mysore, which was founded by his grandfather – is quoted as saying,

“You must be stronger than your emotions!”

And he’s right.  I don’t interpret it to mean squash and suppress them.  Not at all.  I believe it to mean, don’t allow them to rule your life and make your decisions for you.  Allow them to whine or yell at you as they feel necessary.  They must be heard, for sure.  But the goal is to remain in a calm and centered place within yourself, no matter what pain or abuse they’re firing your way.

For me the start of that journey was discovering I was strong enough not to give in to this lazy and lethargic part of me.  Feeling that sense of being strong enough to say no to it, every single morning, developed an inner muscle of willpower and confidence.  It’s a continual work in progress – but it’s there.

Ashtanga helped me to realize I am stronger than I think and that no matter how hard things may seem – whether it’s getting through an asana practice or handling a life crisis – you will get through it and come out the other side if you can just breathe strong and deep and keep taking it one step at a time.

There are still practices today where I groan inwardly at the start, thinking of all the hard work ahead of me in the next forty minutes.  Actually, scrap that – in 99% of my practices there’s a part of me wishing I could skip the tough bits and just get straight to the happy, easy part at the end where I lie down in Savasana (corpse pose) and relax.  But as with most things in life, I know full well that the joy of that comes from putting in a bit of hard work first.

There is little in the world that can give you as much joy as working hard at something you already love and then seeing the beautiful results of lal that hard work (and yes I do love my yoga practice despite the resistance towards it).  So hats off to 2015 for being the year when Ellie and Ashtanga finally decided to go steady.  No more humming or hawing, no more hot and cold, just full-time pure dedication to the practice that has truly opened up worlds within me and continues to bestow gifts of inner joy and strength each time I show up on my mat.

Ashtanga – from the bottom of my heart, thank you!  Om Shanti Shanti Shanti!

Love,

Ellie